So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's get the cat blown out
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
