I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
