Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
