dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Randomize
