btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
