I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
love makes seman taste better
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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