We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
