we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
