I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
