you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
