ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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