it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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