I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
