mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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