I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
