There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize