Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
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