Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize