I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
