i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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