She's JV to your varsity
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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