Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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