Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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