ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
