i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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