My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
