So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
