if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize