OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
