at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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