You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
