I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
