At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
