I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
