i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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