....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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