She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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