My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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