They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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