i think my mom watched the whole time
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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