i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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