So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
