how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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