Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
