You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
