I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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