My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
