i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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