WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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