Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
