So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
