we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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