This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
