So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
