i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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