I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
