Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
