I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
