is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
