Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i need some magic done to my vagina
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
