just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
