Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
