we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
