the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
