we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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