I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
