He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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