if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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