I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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