A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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