peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
