Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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