are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
