I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize