You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
