Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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