I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She told me I should be a condom model.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
