We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
