I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
