How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
