i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
