So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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