i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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