I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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