oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
