6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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