Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
