i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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