Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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