Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
