ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
