They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
