It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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