Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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