There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
