3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm really busy with my period
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