Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
