No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Randomize
